On Rihanna

It’s been a long time since I’ve blogged about pop culture. I have a lot to say about the Kardashians (all good- they entertain me while I exercise!), but today is about Rihanna. On the Grammys a few weeks ago, she sand a ballad called “Stay.” Her voice was sorrowful and beautiful and emotive. But the lyrics go like this:

“All along it was a fever
A cold sweat hot-headed believer
I threw my hands in the air and said, "Show me something,"
He said, "If you dare come a little closer."

Round and around and around and around we go
Oh now tell me now tell me now tell me now you know

Not really sure how to feel about it.
Something in the way you move
Makes me feel like I can't live without you.
It takes me all the way.
I want you to stay

Oh the reason I hold on
Oh cause I need this hole gone
Funny you're the broken one but I'm the only one who needed saving
Cause when you never see the lights it's hard to know which one of us is caving

Not really sure how to feel about it
Something in the way you move
Makes me feel like I can't live without you
It takes me all the way
I want you to stay, stay
I want you to stay, oh”

It just made me so sad to hear her sing that. Don’t you think she must be singing to Chris Brown? Everyone at the Grammys applauded and they moved on to something else. But all I could think about is how she’s singing the ballad of abused women. She wants him to stay because she can’t live without him…even though he beats her up. I wondered if she had insight into the song or if she was just singing something her producers gave her, so I searched the song on Wikipedia. She did co-write the song, so it seems she must understand the gravity of the lyrics.

There is a pretty long Wikipedia article about the song but it’s not mentioned even once how autobiographical the song is regarding her abusive relationship with Chris Brown. Or how it is the classic problem with ending an abusive relationship. It just goes around and around and around and you can’t tell who it is that’s broken (the answer is usually both.)

We all know somebody that’s in a relationship they shouldn’t be- whether the abuse is physical or verbal and emotional, the seemingly inescapable black hole is the same. I’ve been in that black hole myself. Eduardo was no Chris Brown, but his depression brought out some not-very-nice qualities in him. And now looking back from the other side of the black hole, I just want to scoop Rihanna up and tell her she can live without him, he shouldn’t stay, that she shouldn't cave, and that she can live without him. I wish somebody at the Grammys would have said that.

It makes me sad.

Political Ellipticals

The other night in the car...

Johan:  "Mama, why do we never get Dominos Pizza?"

Me:  "Because it's gross and because they donate their profits to organizations that don't think women can or should make their own decisions about their bodies.  They want to control what women do with their bodies and that is not our values."

Johan: "ok."

Fast forward to an hour later as I chugged away on the elliptical.  I put my hands on the levers to check my heart rate and momentarily removed them from the moving handles.

Johan:  "Mama, put your arms back so they're moving!"

Me: (panting and sweaty):  "Honey, please don't tell me what to do!  I'm just checking my heart rate!"

Johan:  "I'm not *trying* to be like Dominos!  I'm sorry!"

Me:  "I love you so much."

On Friday night, Andrew asked me to marry him. I said yes. It was simple and sweet and romantic and perfect. And then we were engaged. And every time I say it, I smile. 

While I’ve been married before, I’d never received a marriage proposal. “Uhhh….so, should we file immigration papers” does not count. And when that marriage ended I really and truly believed I was done with the whole institution.

I guess what I didn’t know then was how things could be. I didn’t know there was someone out there who complemented my quirks and eccentricities so well. I didn’t know there was someone who fought fair and never called names and never threatened to leave every time something got hard. I didn’t know there was someone who imagined a life with someone like me and who wanted the same adventures I do. I didn’t know there was a man who would play Legos with Johan and read him books and show him how to stand at the pitching machine so the balls don’t hit you in the chest. I didn’t know there was a missing piece of the family that Johan and I are. I didn’t know Andrew then.


But now I do. And the last 13 months of our lives have been so beautiful. And there is nothing we want more than to just keep going.

I must admit that when I look down at my left ring finger and see the sparkling blue sapphire on the white gold band, I get fluttery. It’s a unique and interesting and elegant ring. Just like us. Except the elegant part. Aside from the symbol and the label and the fun of the blown-up facebook feed, I keep returning to this overwhelming calm of the place we are. Just being us. We already knew we wanted to keep on keeping on together and we are doing just that. It feels natural and easy to say we are going to spend our lives together. And that’s just how it should be.

Johan is as happy as we are. He requested a ring but wants his to be yellow gold with a red stone. There’s no accounting for taste. I can already imagine a wedding photograph with all three of our hands and our rings. Go team!

And so another season of life begins. Here I am, once again, tipping my hat to the Universe, admitting I didn’t know what was coming my way when the days and nights were so dark a few years ago. And there is the Universe smiling back at me with a playful wink and whispering “I knew all along.”

Just for Today, Why I Love My Job

This job has its ups and downs, like most.


Clients can be demanding, mean, and refuse to listen. Sometimes all at once. But there are also rewarding moments where I feel like the work I do is really making a difference and helping someone who didn’t know where else to turn. That’s one time when I really love this job.

Another time I really love my job is when I have intra-office memo conversations with my law partners like the one below. The back story is that a well-known law firm in the Twin Cities changed its name to something completely different this month, and Brianna and I both thought it was weird.

So, I suggested we change our law firm name from Robichaud, Anderson & Alcantara, P.A. to O’Scooty, Flopsie, Banjo & Waka-Waka, P.A.

On Thu January 17, 2013 at 10:26 AM, Kristina Lund-Alc wrote:

KLA - Jan 17/13 - 10:26 AM - i just made myself lol

________________________



On Thu January 17, 2013 at 10:26 AM, Brianna Zuber wrote:

BBZ - Jan 17/13 - 10:26 AM - me too! That would be better. Plus we would get street cred with the africans and Irish.

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On Thu January 17, 2013 at 10:27 AM, Kristina Lund-Alc wrote:

I get to be waka-waka. thomas can be Flopsie.

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On Thu January 17, 2013 at 10:27 AM, Brianna Zuber wrote:

Bj is O scooty, so I guess that leaves me with Banjo

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On Thu January 17, 2013 at 10:28 AM, Kristina Lund-Alc wrote:

I think Banjo is a good name for you. Let's make sure to submit this to the board next meeting.

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On Thu January 17, 2012 at 10:29 AM, Brianna Zuber wrote:

It is sure to be approved

New Year

I get reflective twice a year- at the new year and at my birthday. It’s a good time to think about where I was, how far I’ve come, and where I’m going.
For me, highlights of 2012 include:
• Falling in love;

• Celebrating a whole handful of years as Johan’s mom and starting to think about and prepare for Kindergarten;

• Restarting regular yoga practice;

• Paying off some debt;

• Doing a cleanse, going (mostly) caffeine and gluten free;

• Losing 20 lbs;

• Significant home improvements to prepare to sell my house;

• Reentering the world of international travel via an epic trip to Africa;



There is also a whole slew of things I’m excited for in 2013…


• Putting my house on the market, looking for and probably moving to a new place with Andrew, Johan, and Gonzo.

• A trip to Miami with Andrew and my law partners at the end of January;

• Doing another cleanse in February;

• Losing another 20 lbs;

• Traveling to Amsterdam and Budapest with Andrew, Johan, and my mom in April-May for Moira’s wedding;

• Wedding festivities for my wife including a bachelorette soiree in New Orleans, a wedding at Camp St. Croix, and a Johan wearing a turquoise bow tie.

Of course, one of the best parts about being reflective is acknowledging how the previous year brought me so many wonderful places that I never expected. Hoping this year brings more unexpected adventures for me and for you, dear reader.

To Johan on the Occasion of Your Fifth Birthday

Dear Johan:
Today you turn 5 years old! A whole handful of years. You are smart, funny, quick-witted, kind, empathetic and the joy of my life. You bring laughter and music to our home. Even sitting in traffic is more fun with you as we tell jokes. I love our time after school when we sit on the couch and snuggle. We talk about our days and shares hugs. I love bedtime when I read you books and then sing Woody Guthrie songs to you. I love it even more when you join in the singing. I love sitting at the dinner table with you talking about little and big things. I love watching you learn new things—recognizing letters, doing math, understanding presidential politics, swimming, taking care of Gonzo, managing feelings, and making friends.

My greatest happiness and my greatest challenge is being your mom. I mean that in the best way. You make me think about the things I do and the words I use. You make me determined to make this world better- because I want it to be better for you. You make me feel full of hope. You have a keen insight and a warm heart.

We just elected Barack Obama to be our president for a 2nd term. I am so proud of the way you were involved in the election. You watched all the debates with us, learned about the candidates, and formed opinions. We voted no on marriage discrimination and we voted yes to Barack Obama. You came with me to the polls and helped me put my ballot in the counting machine. This is such an important part of our lives and I’m so glad we shared it together. You wore shirts and buttons proudly, standing up for what you believe in. Keep those convictions, honey. They will take you far.

Our lives have changed a lot in the last year. Some people have gone. New people have come into our lives. These are big changes that sometimes are hard. It’s hard to miss people we care about. It can be a challenge to be part of a new household where things aren’t quite how they used to be. I want you to know that you have handled these challenges with love and in such a big-boy way. But, as you know, change can also be good. It can bring us new people, love, and a whole lot of fun. Welcoming Andrew into our lives is a way that we have changed and grown for the better. He loves you so much and I know you love him. It is such a joy for me to see you and Andrew having fun, goofing off, and being pals. You amaze me every day. Your bright and optimistic spirit inspire me. I want you to know that no matter who comes or goes, it’s always you and me. We are the best team ever and I’ve always got your back, kiddo. Our family may change again as the years go on but what will never change is that you and I are a family.

I am so excited for what age 5 will bring. You will start Kindergarten. You may even ride a school bus! You will lose a tooth, gain more knowledge, and continue growing up to be a wonderful kid. I am so lucky to be your mom.

Happy Birthday, my little (getting bigger) sweetie. You are my favorite kid in the whole world. I love you up to Pluto and past all the galaxies and stuck to the very furthest star.

Besos,

Mama

Back to Blooma

Blooma was born (I think), right around the time my only child was born, in the fall of 2007. I first discovered Blooma in early 2009 when a friend invited Johan and me to try a BYOB yoga class. Johan was just about 1 and we had a grand old time. While at the studio, I saw that Early Bird Yoga was offered at 6 a.m. Because I have to work at 7:30 a.m., I thought this class was perfect for me and began attending regularly on Tuesdays and Thursdays. This worked out because Eduardo would stay with Johan while I was at class. I found my time at Blooma physically, emotionally, and spiritually fulfilling. I was a healthier person and better mom because of it.

Then life, as it does sometimes, threw me a curve ball. In the fall of 2010, my marriage was ending. I sought solace on my mat at my Early Bird classes. I sometimes crumbled into child’s pose, weeping. The amazing instructors helped me through a most difficult time. They didn’t ask questions or pry, just lingered a bit longer during hands-on adjustments and communicated their support non-verbally. My time at Blooma on my mat was respite during that difficult journey.

Some months later, my parenting situation made it impossible for me to continue with Early Bird classes. I was a single parent with no one to watch Johan  in the early morning hours. I continued my yoga practice at another studio and at home, but always missed the early class. Arriving in the dark, watching the sun come up to greet the Minneapolis morning in a space that I found supportive and non-threatening, and that helped me grow in my practice, enhancing my life in every way. I was sad to walk away from Blooma.

Then, something wonderful happened. A new person entered my life. I told Andrew about Blooma and the ways it had been there for me in good times and in bad. And, because just when you think life is done twisting, it finds new ways to surprise you, today I returned to Blooma after over a year hiatus. It was emotional for me to return. My head was flooded with memories: the first time Johan and I entered the studio; the wonderful music during the early bird practice; the tears I cried in front of other yogis as I navigated divorce and single motherhood. As I unrolled my mat and began practice, it was like meeting an old friend. We’ve both changed, but not too much. We recognized each other at once, greeted each other warmly, and fell back into our familiar dance. My body and mind and soul feel rejuvenated after the class this morning. I can’t wait for next week. We have some catching up to do.