"Blessings"

Whenever I hear someone say they are "blessed" or "_____ is such a blessing," I cringe. I like the idea of recognizing and acknowledging that I/you/we are fortunate. I think it's important to express gratitude. I think it's important to remember that I live a rich, full life and that I have never wanted for anything- it keeps me from feeling sorry for myself when something small goes wrong. So,some of the sentiment behind talking about "blessings" is fine with me.

But, somehow blessing seems to invoke the idea that God or whatever higher power you care to pray to has chosen you/me/whomever to receive the good things in our lives. And the corollary to that is that God/Buddha/Allah/G-d has chosen us over others who have less or who suffer more. That's the problem I have with the idea of "being blessed." Would a benevolent higher power really purposely choose one person to have all good things at the expense of another person having no good things? And if that were the case, is that higher power really so benevolent? Wouldn't that be better described as sadistic?

In my moments of self-reflection, I do feel so fortunate. I have a loving family, a good husband, a child who is the joy of my life, great friends, a rewarding career, a home, health, food, education, mobility. If I used the word blessing, I would feel truly blessed. Instead, I just feel damn lucky.

Am I making too much of this word? What connotations does the word "blessings" have for anyone else out there?

Lawyering

I just finished my second jury trial for which I was primarily responsible. I had the unwavering support of my boss and the indispensable assistance of another associate at my firm, but I was the first chair. And, today while I was delivering my closing argument, I felt a profound sense of happiness and pride at being a lawyer. I love it. I really love lawyering. I love the argument- the theater and the performance and psychology of presenting to a jury. I did not go to law school planning to be a trial attorney. I thought I would be doing criminal defense or civil liberties stuff. This career sort of found me and today I decided that it's a perfect match. We won't have verdict until Monday (or later, but I bet Monday) but whatever the outcome, I know we did a good job. We did the best we could. And, really, what more can you ask for?

A Most Brilliant Boy

Johan is at a just fantastic stage where it seems that each hour he has something new he can do or say. He is so observant; pointing out buses, birds, puppies, pizza, babies, Elmo, and characters from Family Guy everywhere he goes.

Yesterday I was wearing a Vikings t-shirt and he carefully traced each of the marigold-colored letters and repeated the word "yellow." Of course I scolded him that it was not yellow, but marigold. (I did not actually do that- there are enough reasons people need therapy; no need to add icing to that cake, right?) On the contrary, I celebrated his identification and labeling of color so much that he spent the rest of the afternoon pointing out yellow stuff.

His ability to mimic is also amazing- the way short term memory develops and strengthens baffles me. We have been watching this video on YouTube of some people doing a dance routine to an old Stevie Wonder song and, after just a couple viewings, Johan is able to follow along and mimic most of the moves. Absolutely fantastic.

Lawnxiety

This has nothing to do with lawns. No matter how many weeds grow in my yard (my dad says the difference between people's people and the bourgeoisie is "yard" vs. "lawn"), I don't get anxious. And I also don't usually get anxious about work- even when things are new or difficult or unknown, I enjoy the challenges and get huge amounts of support from my staff and co-workers.

But, for some reason, last week I was experiencing an absurd and inexplicable anxiety about a different kind of deposition I had to take. I have done lots of depositions, but this was a medical one and it had me totally off my game. Nobody was pressuring me; nobody was telling me that if I screwed up, I would be sorry. In fact, I was specifically told that no matter how it went, it would be just fine. But, still I had a pit in my gut for days. I couldn't sleep; I was struggling to concentrate.

Then it started. And BAM. I was in a different mode. It was like the second the deposition actually began, all of my worry and anxiety was hovering outside of the me doing the job I had to do. Afterward, it took me several hours and cocktails to get back to "me."

Now, of course it's fine. I'm fine, but what a lame few days.

And, p.s.: Dear Brain: It would be really cool if you could not be such a freak show without warning. Please relegate your anxiety to doctor's offices and keep it out of the courtroom. Ok? Thanks.

Fruit is good for you.

Maybe it's the cool summer we've had or how busy I've been at work, but I can't believe that today is September 6th. As in, in a couple days we can't even say it's early September.

The end of the summer has been good. We brought Johan to the MN State Fair and he enjoyed the city bus ride immensely. Really a man of the people, he is. Johan also enjoyed the pronto pups and the carousel, while Eduardo of course liked looking at the gallos and other birds and I enjoyed the fine placement of the turkey leg foodstand just outside the bird barn.

Because summer isn't over until it's over (for example, today it's 80 and sunny in Minneapolis) here are couple of recently discovered cocktails worth sharing:

- Blueberry Stoli; club soda; splash of lemonade; blueberries. (or just Blueberry Stoli served up with a few fresh berries)

- Black Cherry Smirnoff and Diet coke. It's like a Mike's Hard lemonade if Mike made hard cherry cokes. You know what I mean?