Johan + Friends

The other day, Johan got his first demerit/warning at school. His color was changed to yellow- green is good, yellow is not so good (or "slow," according to Johan), and red is big trouble. Anyway, in the course of all this, I spoke to Johan's teacher and she confirmed what I had already guessed from listening to Johan- he has a best friend. The kid's name is Gabriel. He and Johan love trains and baseball and shenanigans. They hug each other and laugh and make trouble. I was telling Addie about how I started giggling when the preschool teacher told me how they are naughty together, and she astutely pointed out how my wife and I probably had our colors changed, too. True enough.

I don't know Gabriel well, but Johan talks about him every day. It warms my heart to know that Johan has a best friend. Nothing like it in the world.

Prior to all of this, I had started to talking to the mom of another boy in Johan's class, and we had set up a play date for today. This morning we went over to Andrew's house and then on to the park. I didn't really know Andrew either, but the moment Johan saw him, both their faces lit up and they ran up to each other, babbling on about baseball and farm animals.

There is something amazing about watching Johan with these kids with whom he has forged relationships. It is sort of a quintessential moment of his independence- this are HIS friends- the people he has chosen to be in his life. It isn't about me or our family or people I have chosen. I mean, Johan doesn't really even choose his own clothes yet, but he certainly has chosen his friends.

It's exciting for me to imagine how long these friendships could last - how these little boys might (or might not, who knows) be part of each other's lives for a very long time.

At the very least, I think Johan is ready to have a friends birthday party this year. Johan, Gabriel, and Andrew. Ok, who wants to volunteer to help with that?

Weekend

I don't do a very good job of recounting the adventures that are Weekends with Johan. We have fun. We do. This summer involved huge weekends at many cabins and lots of running in the sun, mosquitoes, water, bubbles, trucks, and goofery.

But, you know, the details don't get told. So, please visit here for a nice story about how Johan and I spent last Sunday.

Before the Annoyance Gets Stale...

I always feel like a jerk writing something negative after a long absence, but you know, it wouldn't really be my blog if it was any other way.

I have to say I was completely irritated all day long on Saturday. 9/11, that is. This year I was absolutely annoyed by the "Never Forget" sentiment. It seemed more this year. Or maybe I'm just done with that sentiment. I'm sure part of it is the recent surge in anti-Muslim thinly veiled racism in the debate over who should be able to build near Ground Zero. I can't even begin to tell you all the Amendments that would be violated by prohibiting Muslims from building. Um, hello?! Religion! Property! America loves those things!

As an even further aside, on Saturday one of my religious cousins had a cartoon showing Jesus blowing the match that the crazy pastor was going to use to light Qurans on fire. It said What Would Jesus Do? I couldn't tell if the cartoon was depicting Jesus blowing the fire out or trying to make the flame grow by adding oxygen. So, who the hell knows what Jesus would do? I don't have a direct line, but I commented to my friend that, from what I remember, the big J.C. seemed to be into forgiveness and whatnot, so probably not vengeance. Then my cousin called my a slippery lawyer. Great.

Anyway, maybe that's my problem with "Never Forget." Yes, it was terrible and painful and made me feel angry and vulnerable. But, at some point you've got to pick up and move on. "Never Forget" means keeping the raw pain ever present, doesn't it? It means fanning flames of anger that can foster resentment and hate. That's an awful lot of energy spent on preserving and protecting bad feelings and negativity.

I say, no thank you.

Divorced kids learn early on to be resilient. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps and learn to have a little joy in life. (This is not an endorsement for raising kids in divorced families. Well, it sort of is. Because we are cooler. And "better" cite SKE. Ummm...we'll talk more about that later.) Maybe "Never Forget" means different things to those who insist on writing such mottos as their facebook status nine years later. But with the flag-waving and the political cartoons, it seems like not.

So, how about a new slogan? Or perhaps a good old Wellstone standby: Stand Up; Keep Fighting! And make sure you remove your crazy cousins from your newsfeed!