The other night in the car...
Johan: "Mama, why do we never get Dominos Pizza?"
Me: "Because it's gross and because they donate their profits to organizations that don't think women can or should make their own decisions about their bodies. They want to control what women do with their bodies and that is not our values."
Johan: "ok."
Fast forward to an hour later as I chugged away on the elliptical. I put my hands on the levers to check my heart rate and momentarily removed them from the moving handles.
Johan: "Mama, put your arms back so they're moving!"
Me: (panting and sweaty): "Honey, please don't tell me what to do! I'm just checking my heart rate!"
Johan: "I'm not *trying* to be like Dominos! I'm sorry!"
Me: "I love you so much."
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
On Friday night, Andrew asked me to marry him. I said yes. It was simple and sweet and romantic and perfect. And then we were engaged. And every time I say it, I smile.
While I’ve been married before, I’d never received a marriage proposal. “Uhhh….so, should we file immigration papers” does not count. And when that marriage ended I really and truly believed I was done with the whole institution.
I guess what I didn’t know then was how things could be. I didn’t know there was someone out there who complemented my quirks and eccentricities so well. I didn’t know there was someone who fought fair and never called names and never threatened to leave every time something got hard. I didn’t know there was someone who imagined a life with someone like me and who wanted the same adventures I do. I didn’t know there was a man who would play Legos with Johan and read him books and show him how to stand at the pitching machine so the balls don’t hit you in the chest. I didn’t know there was a missing piece of the family that Johan and I are. I didn’t know Andrew then.
But now I do. And the last 13 months of our lives have been so beautiful. And there is nothing we want more than to just keep going.
I must admit that when I look down at my left ring finger and see the sparkling blue sapphire on the white gold band, I get fluttery. It’s a unique and interesting and elegant ring. Just like us. Except the elegant part. Aside from the symbol and the label and the fun of the blown-up facebook feed, I keep returning to this overwhelming calm of the place we are. Just being us. We already knew we wanted to keep on keeping on together and we are doing just that. It feels natural and easy to say we are going to spend our lives together. And that’s just how it should be.
Johan is as happy as we are. He requested a ring but wants his to be yellow gold with a red stone. There’s no accounting for taste. I can already imagine a wedding photograph with all three of our hands and our rings. Go team!
And so another season of life begins. Here I am, once again, tipping my hat to the Universe, admitting I didn’t know what was coming my way when the days and nights were so dark a few years ago. And there is the Universe smiling back at me with a playful wink and whispering “I knew all along.”
While I’ve been married before, I’d never received a marriage proposal. “Uhhh….so, should we file immigration papers” does not count. And when that marriage ended I really and truly believed I was done with the whole institution.
I guess what I didn’t know then was how things could be. I didn’t know there was someone out there who complemented my quirks and eccentricities so well. I didn’t know there was someone who fought fair and never called names and never threatened to leave every time something got hard. I didn’t know there was someone who imagined a life with someone like me and who wanted the same adventures I do. I didn’t know there was a man who would play Legos with Johan and read him books and show him how to stand at the pitching machine so the balls don’t hit you in the chest. I didn’t know there was a missing piece of the family that Johan and I are. I didn’t know Andrew then.
But now I do. And the last 13 months of our lives have been so beautiful. And there is nothing we want more than to just keep going.
I must admit that when I look down at my left ring finger and see the sparkling blue sapphire on the white gold band, I get fluttery. It’s a unique and interesting and elegant ring. Just like us. Except the elegant part. Aside from the symbol and the label and the fun of the blown-up facebook feed, I keep returning to this overwhelming calm of the place we are. Just being us. We already knew we wanted to keep on keeping on together and we are doing just that. It feels natural and easy to say we are going to spend our lives together. And that’s just how it should be.
Johan is as happy as we are. He requested a ring but wants his to be yellow gold with a red stone. There’s no accounting for taste. I can already imagine a wedding photograph with all three of our hands and our rings. Go team!
And so another season of life begins. Here I am, once again, tipping my hat to the Universe, admitting I didn’t know what was coming my way when the days and nights were so dark a few years ago. And there is the Universe smiling back at me with a playful wink and whispering “I knew all along.”
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