I'm looking for some feedback here because, when it comes to Johan, I think I don't have a lot of objectivity. Here's the situation: yesterday my mom picked Johan up from his daycare center where he goes 3-4 times per month. I don't want to defame it but it rhymes with Linderlare. When she arrived, Johan was swaddled in a blanket laying in a crib, wide awake. These are the problems: It is common knowledge among parents and anyone involved with babies that swaddling is not recommended past a month or 6 weeks old. Johan needs to have his arms and legs free to move. He doesn't even like being dressed in clothes, let alone bound up in a blanket. Also, I pay a lot of money for him to go there, under the auspices that he is being cared for, not left in a crib while awake.
What had got me even angrier is the director's response when I called to discuss my concerns. I remained level headed, using an indoor voice, and other that mentioning that it sounded "a little Romanian orphanage," I totally kept my cool. Yet, instead of trying to actually address my concerns, the director was full of excuses: "He wasn't swaddled that tightly;" "The regular head teacher in the baby room wasn't there today;" "He wasn't crying."
Well, jeesh. The tightness of the swaddling is not the effing point. The point is swaddling at all is not appropriate for 6-month-old babies. Regarding the head teacher, shouldn't all of the staff know policies regarding wrapping up babies so that they can't use their arms? Finally, Johan often doesn't cry when he wakes up, but I don't think that makes it okay to just let him lay around in a crib all day.
So, am I overreacting? I understand that daycare providers are paid really shittily, and I am sensitive to the problem of the parent-that-bitches-about-everything since I worked in a Montessori school for many years. Yet, this situation has got me really bothered--both what they did and how they responded to my concerns.
I have reached out on facebook and craiglist to find alternate care for Johan a couple Mondays a month. We're going to California on Friday, so for at least the next 2 weeks, Johan's arms and legs will be to kick, grab, and flail all he wants.
6 comments:
I guess I am not sure how I feel about this situation. I swaddled Ellie until she learned how to role from her back to her stomach, at which point I thought it would be unsafe for her to be swaddled lest she turn over and not be able to lift her head. On the other hand, I know many parents (who under advisement from night nurses and pediatricians) swaddled long after this point...until 8, 9 months maybe. My pediatrician, for whom I would probably jump off a cliff if he suggested it might be healthy for my kids, had no problem with my swaddling the baby; and a recent New York Times article my mom sent me suggested that swaddling is fine until four months, even longer maybe. On the other hand, this is neither here nor there since Johan is already six months old. My concern is this: when we thought about putting Edden in daycare, the ones we visited (and also the mother-of-four nanny we ended up going with) did not use blankets in the crib at all...period...as a matter of policy. Loose blankets, when used improperly are a SIDS hazard. The problem with daycares, I think, is that there are lots of kids, and not lots of teachers, and this means that someone will always be left to his own devices...whether that be when he wakes up from nap, when he needs a diaper change but there is someone before him in line, or when he has to play alone on the floor gym for a while while someone with more pressing needs demands attention. Good luck finding a new caretaker...it's such a painful process.
Lotem
No, I don't think you're overreacting. You are Johan's Mom and if you decide that six months old is too old to be swaddled, then they should respect your wishes. I'll admit I know zero about day care centers, but it sounds to me like you need to look for a new one. When you talked to the director about your concerns he/she had all the wrong answers. Making excuses for the staff and justifying it by saying "it wasn't that tight" is not a good way to handle it. As your Dad would say, "F".
Oh, and also, can I offer you another suggestion for finding a Monday person? If you call the dept. of Education at the U of M, they will give you an email address to which you can send a classified explaining what you are looking for. Whoever gets that email will forward it to the entire department (students, staff, faculty) and if my experience is representative, you will get numerous replies from people who have some kind of background working with kids. I found a number of good sitters this way.
Lotem
Well. Speaking as an extremely shittily paid childcare worker, I would suggest finding a different place. I know it's hard to find good care--I happen to work at one of the best childcare centers in my city, and yet good teachers with basic common sense and who treat the kids the way I would want my (hypothetical) child treated are the exception rather than the rule. It's fucking scary. So many of my coworkers are immature, unintelligent, mean, and just plain lazy. And, unfortunately, the administration takes the role of defending/making excuses for them/ignoring the behavior every pathetic step of the way.
So, in conclusion, although the shadiness of your center is not unusual, it's still grounds for dismissal.
God, I can't wait to quit my job.
As your former Montessori co-worker (among other things) I do think it's POSSIBLE this was some kind of fluke/exception/bad timing... and I hate to say I told you so... but that place sucks. They let my sister get a head wound and vomit all afternoon without even calling my mom. And I know they changed the name or company or whatever but I still hate them. Good riddance. They almost got Zoe, don't let them Johan, too!
I don't think you're overreacting. The incident could have been a fluke, but the way the director handled it with you makes it seem like other acts of negligence wouldn't be unlikely. The director should have tried to make you feel like nothing like that would ever happen again. The unwillingness to address that there was even an issue just makes the place seem shady and the people not only busy and underpaid--but also aloof and untrustworthy.
Good luck and let's try to talk before you guys leave for Cali.
Love you,
Jamie
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