Chicken with a Side of Bigot

I normally try to intersperse witty commentary, Johan updates, and other miscellaneous musings between my rants, but this simply couldn't wait.

Johan and I are just back from a family dinner (mom's side)that I find outrageous to describe. There were 2 distinct happenings that filled me with rage.

First, during dinner, Johan was really digging the rice dish. He was on his second helping when my grandma goes "Before you know it you're going to be slant-eyed." After nearly choking on my red wine, I said "Well, that's pretty racist. We're planning to raise Johan to not make stereotypical and insulting comments about people of other ethnicities." My grandma ignored me and changed the subject. No one else said anything about it. I feel pretty strongly about not just "letting it slide," especially in front of Johan. I want him to be a person who has the courage to speak out against injustice, and the only way to do that is by example. If I just ignore comments like that, he will learn to do the same, and silence and passivity in the face of racism are not acceptable to me.

Second, when we were getting ready to leave, my mom says "Johan, are you going to give grandpa a kiss?" Johan shook his head no, and my step dad says "Yeah, he's not gay." This situation is even more disturbing to me than the slant-eye remark for a couple reasons. First, I expect more from my step dad as he is not senile and he ought to know better. Second, the remark is not only homophobic, it also seeks to force Johan into a gender-stereotype that boys are not or should not be affectionate. Essentially, it spits directly in the eye of 2 values I am trying to instill in Johan: 1) that homophobia is not acceptable and 2) that it is good and right for boys and men to be emotionally aware and affectionate. I immediately said to Johan that we love all types of people, gay or otherwise, and that it is ok for family to kiss each other, if they want, regardless if they are girls or boys.

So, we are home now and listening to some "Free to Be You and Me" and have read "Whoever You Are, Where ever You Are." A quick effort to undo the nasty words that fell upon his ears tonight.

On a deeper level than my initial revulsion to these 2 comments, I am angry because I should be able to go to a family dinner and not have my 1-year-old exposed to hate speech. There are enough forces in this world that will aim to instill contrary values in Johan that I do not control- I can't keep him from TV and internet and idiots out in the big wide world. On top of all those things, I don't need people in my own family carelessly and stupidly counteracting the values Eduardo and I want to instill in Johan.

And, I don't think I'm overreacting to respond immediately when it happens. Just changing the subject is not an option-- I want Johan to know that he has a right and duty to make any efforts he can to fight bigotry. So, you've had fair warning. Make bigoted comments in front of my child, and you're going to get an earful from me, even if it means ruining dinner.

Any suggestions for how best to deal with situations like these?

PS. It should also be noted that one of Eduardo's brothers used the word "maricon" (Spanish for faggot) in front of Johan while we were in the DR, and I also ackwardly called him out on that.