A few weeks ago, Johan and I had the opportunity to see the Broadway production of The Lion King. It was phenomenal. Johan has always loved the movie, but since seeing the play, he is absolutely obsessed with it. He makes me call him Simba and he calls me Sarabi. He licks things (yeah, gross, I know but we pick our battles) and fashions manes out of scarves. If I say “Johan, you’re such a nice boy,” he says “You mean, Simba, you’re such a nice lion.” You get the idea.
Anyway, so Eduardo has decided to remain in the Dominican Republic indefinitely. This is an unfortunate decision. While it probably makes my daily life easier, it’s certainly unfair to and hard on Johan. Johan misses him. I’d been struggling to figure out a way to discuss it with Johan. I’ve been honest with him that his papa is living in the DR now, but that his papa loves him and will always love him. Those words are not particularly comforting to a 4 year old who doesn't understand why he's gone.
Yesterday morning, Johan woke up sad and somewhat tearful. He climbed in my lap and told me that he missed his papa. It occurred to me that maybe I could take this Lion King interest and help frame the issues for Johan. I told Johan that his papa is not gone in the same was Mufasa was gone because Eduardo is not dead, but that the sadness that he feels is probably very similar to the sadness Simba felt when Mufasa was gone. I went on to point out that Simba still had Sarabi, and that he found other animals to be his family. They took care of each other and were happy. It wasn’t a replacement for Mufasa but Simba was able to find happiness even though he missed Mufasa. Johan said: “Yes! He found Pumba and Timon!” Exactly, I said. “So who could be your Pumba and Timon?”
“How about Andrew and Uncle David?”
“I think those are perfect ideas. And you always have your Sarabi.”
“I love you, Sarabi.”
“I love you too, Simba.”
And that was how it went. My tearful boy hugged me tight and smiled. It was sort of a proud moment for me in parenting for a couple reasons. I was kind of impressed with myself for being able to frame it in a way that was interesting to him and allowed him to identify with Simba, since he’s doing that anyhow. More importantly, I am impressed with Johan for being able to appreciate and understand the metaphor, identify people in his life that can bring him happiness even though he misses his papa, and that he was able to have a quite mature and complex discussion about feelings.
I don’t pretend the issues are solved. They never will be. But, it seems to me that’s ok. The goal isn’t to have a problem-free existence, but to be able to have open and honest communication about how we feel. Sadness happens but so does joy, if we remember to look for it. Hakuna Matata.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Happy Valentine's Day
This is the one time of year I get crafty. Sunday afternoon, my brother, Johan, and I sat at the table while sun slanted in through the windows. We designed, traced, and cut 30 valentines for Johan to bring to school today. We joked and laughed. We listened to Dessa. Johan knows the words to "The Chaconne."
Life is looking bright. Happy Valentine's Day.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
SA + The Air
I’ve been meaning to write for quite some time about my upcoming trip to South Africa. There are at least 4 major reasons why I’m excited for this adventure set to begin on May 17, 2012.
1) I’ve never been to South Africa or Mozambique and I love being new places as well as marking off notches on my travel-the-world belt.
2) I’m going to see Moira’s (not so) new life and finally meet Gabor, her fiancé.
3) I’m going to spend 10 days with Sarah, Sylia, Moira, and for a few days Susie. These are 4 of my favorite people on the planet. Sarah, Sylia, and Moira have all gotten engaged in the past 6 weeks. I will be bringing along a video camera to document the new reality series, “Bridezilla: African Adventure.”
4) This one might be the most important. I used to take off to new places at the drop of a hat. Nothing could stop me from jetting off to explore. My life has changed a lot since my early 20s and so, at least until I’m retired and Johan’s in college, I’m not going to have the same freedom of movement. Responsibilities are good. I have the most amazing kid and a job I love. I wouldn’t trade them in even for free round-the-world travel until the end of time. But, once I ended up on my own last year, I realized that I had fallen away from many things that were once important, or even defining, for me. One of those was international travel. I realized all I ever did was go to the Dominican Republic to see my in-laws. Not a bad trip, but not an adventure. What about what I want to do? What moves me? When Susie moved to Mozambique, just a 4 hour drive from Moira’s home in Johannesburg, I thought to myself, the old Kristina would have been on a plane straight away to have a new adventure. (This is not “ The New Adventures of Old Christine”). After talking with Sarah about it, we decided to go. And, of course, take our 3rd brother, Sylia, with us. So, I feel like this trip represents something bigger than the actual days or dollar amount. It’s me reclaiming, if only a little bit, some pieces of me that I let fall by the wayside while I was married to Eduardo. I’m still a lawyer and I’m still Johan’s mom. Those things haven’t changed and they never will. But this lawyer who is Johan’s mom sometimes is going to go on big wild adventures with her best friends and never stop pushing the limits.
So, yeah. South African and Mozambique. I can’t wait.
As referenced above, there must be something in the air, since 3 of my closest girlfriends have decided to tie the knot (knots?) since Christmas time. What lucky fellows these guys are who get to spend their lives with such extraordinary women. I better start shopping for dresses soon. And in the same vein, I’m feeling hopeful that I just may have someone to bring as my date to all these upcoming weddings. Something is in the air for me, too. I’m not engaged or even close to that, but I’m seeing someone. As that someone so concisely and wonderfully described last week, “we’re together.” And I’m sure happier than I’ve been since I can remember. I’ll take this air any day.
1) I’ve never been to South Africa or Mozambique and I love being new places as well as marking off notches on my travel-the-world belt.
2) I’m going to see Moira’s (not so) new life and finally meet Gabor, her fiancé.
3) I’m going to spend 10 days with Sarah, Sylia, Moira, and for a few days Susie. These are 4 of my favorite people on the planet. Sarah, Sylia, and Moira have all gotten engaged in the past 6 weeks. I will be bringing along a video camera to document the new reality series, “Bridezilla: African Adventure.”
4) This one might be the most important. I used to take off to new places at the drop of a hat. Nothing could stop me from jetting off to explore. My life has changed a lot since my early 20s and so, at least until I’m retired and Johan’s in college, I’m not going to have the same freedom of movement. Responsibilities are good. I have the most amazing kid and a job I love. I wouldn’t trade them in even for free round-the-world travel until the end of time. But, once I ended up on my own last year, I realized that I had fallen away from many things that were once important, or even defining, for me. One of those was international travel. I realized all I ever did was go to the Dominican Republic to see my in-laws. Not a bad trip, but not an adventure. What about what I want to do? What moves me? When Susie moved to Mozambique, just a 4 hour drive from Moira’s home in Johannesburg, I thought to myself, the old Kristina would have been on a plane straight away to have a new adventure. (This is not “ The New Adventures of Old Christine”). After talking with Sarah about it, we decided to go. And, of course, take our 3rd brother, Sylia, with us. So, I feel like this trip represents something bigger than the actual days or dollar amount. It’s me reclaiming, if only a little bit, some pieces of me that I let fall by the wayside while I was married to Eduardo. I’m still a lawyer and I’m still Johan’s mom. Those things haven’t changed and they never will. But this lawyer who is Johan’s mom sometimes is going to go on big wild adventures with her best friends and never stop pushing the limits.
So, yeah. South African and Mozambique. I can’t wait.
As referenced above, there must be something in the air, since 3 of my closest girlfriends have decided to tie the knot (knots?) since Christmas time. What lucky fellows these guys are who get to spend their lives with such extraordinary women. I better start shopping for dresses soon. And in the same vein, I’m feeling hopeful that I just may have someone to bring as my date to all these upcoming weddings. Something is in the air for me, too. I’m not engaged or even close to that, but I’m seeing someone. As that someone so concisely and wonderfully described last week, “we’re together.” And I’m sure happier than I’ve been since I can remember. I’ll take this air any day.
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