On Parenting and The Lion King

A few weeks ago, Johan and I had the opportunity to see the Broadway production of The Lion King. It was phenomenal. Johan has always loved the movie, but since seeing the play, he is absolutely obsessed with it. He makes me call him Simba and he calls me Sarabi. He licks things (yeah, gross, I know but we pick our battles) and fashions manes out of scarves. If I say “Johan, you’re such a nice boy,” he says “You mean, Simba, you’re such a nice lion.” You get the idea.

Anyway, so Eduardo has decided to remain in the Dominican Republic indefinitely. This is an unfortunate decision. While it probably makes my daily life easier, it’s certainly unfair to and hard on Johan. Johan misses him. I’d been struggling to figure out a way to discuss it with Johan. I’ve been honest with him that his papa is living in the DR now, but that his papa loves him and will always love him. Those words are not particularly comforting to a 4 year old who doesn't understand why he's gone.

Yesterday morning, Johan woke up sad and somewhat tearful. He climbed in my lap and told me that he missed his papa. It occurred to me that maybe I could take this Lion King interest and help frame the issues for Johan. I told Johan that his papa is not gone in the same was Mufasa was gone because Eduardo is not dead, but that the sadness that he feels is probably very similar to the sadness Simba felt when Mufasa was gone. I went on to point out that Simba still had Sarabi, and that he found other animals to be his family. They took care of each other and were happy. It wasn’t a replacement for Mufasa but Simba was able to find happiness even though he missed Mufasa. Johan said: “Yes! He found Pumba and Timon!” Exactly, I said. “So who could be your Pumba and Timon?”

“How about Andrew and Uncle David?”

“I think those are perfect ideas. And you always have your Sarabi.”

“I love you, Sarabi.”

“I love you too, Simba.”

And that was how it went. My tearful boy hugged me tight and smiled. It was sort of a proud moment for me in parenting for a couple reasons. I was kind of impressed with myself for being able to frame it in a way that was interesting to him and allowed him to identify with Simba, since he’s doing that anyhow. More importantly, I am impressed with Johan for being able to appreciate and understand the metaphor, identify people in his life that can bring him happiness even though he misses his papa, and that he was able to have a quite mature and complex discussion about feelings.

I don’t pretend the issues are solved. They never will be. But, it seems to me that’s ok. The goal isn’t to have a problem-free existence, but to be able to have open and honest communication about how we feel. Sadness happens but so does joy, if we remember to look for it. Hakuna Matata.