My firiend Roisin is one of the best cooks I know and is absolutely the best baker I know. I have great news for all of us. She has started a food blog called Cracking the Egg. Check it out on the side bar..
Cheers and happy eating!
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Johanish
The things he says are so funny...I've got to write them down. Some material previously published to fb.
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Me: Johan, why is your window down?
Johan: I was pretending I had a baby and it threw a fit, so I threw it out the window.
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Me: What did you learn in school today?
Johan: If Europe crashed into Earth, that would be a big problem.
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Johan: Mom, what planet does Sarah live on? Still Arizona?
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Uncle David: Johan, do you know anyone named John and Evelyn?
Johan: No.
Uncle David: Maybe some people who live with Bergen?
Johan: Oh, BERGEN! Yes that's right, John and Evelyn live with Bergen.
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Johan: Guess what, mama?
Me: What?
Johan: They have soy milk at school!
Me: Wow.
Johan: Actually, it's not milk. Soy is not a mammal.
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Me: Johan, why is your window down?
Johan: I was pretending I had a baby and it threw a fit, so I threw it out the window.
----------
Me: What did you learn in school today?
Johan: If Europe crashed into Earth, that would be a big problem.
----------
Johan: Mom, what planet does Sarah live on? Still Arizona?
---------
Uncle David: Johan, do you know anyone named John and Evelyn?
Johan: No.
Uncle David: Maybe some people who live with Bergen?
Johan: Oh, BERGEN! Yes that's right, John and Evelyn live with Bergen.
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Johan: Guess what, mama?
Me: What?
Johan: They have soy milk at school!
Me: Wow.
Johan: Actually, it's not milk. Soy is not a mammal.
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Thursday, March 1, 2012
There is no map.
It’s easy to feel solidarity with other people who are getting or have been divorced. The commonness of the experience, as with any common experience, makes people feel close, like they understand one another, and that it must be similar circumstances that brought them to this point. To a certain degree, that’s true. Divorce is the culmination of two people who used to want to be together who no longer are able to be together. That’s about all that’s guaranteed to be the same across all (at least most) divorces.
Sometimes I find myself trying to draw more similarities between myself and my situation and other people’s. I don’t quite know why. Perhaps it is because there is an element of the unknown. I grew up a divorced kid but my situation now is very different than that one. My dad never left me. Ever. There was no long distance parenting. There was house switching and complicated scheduling. I don’t have any of that as a divorced parent. So, I wonder if part of what I’m searching for in trying to find similarities to other situations is to get some kind of a rough guide as to how this can and will work out. It’s like wanting something akin to advice, but more like proof that people in same or similar circumstances can make things work, find new love, be happy, raise well-adjusted, loving, caring children.
I met a woman a few weeks ago who has a 12 year old son. She lives in Florida. Her ex lives in Illinois. The kid has a great relationship with his stepdad and sees his biological dad once in a while. Not exactly the same as my life, but a little bit, maybe. I felt close to her- like we had a bond over this experience. She was thankfully willing to share with me how her life came to be what it is. It wasn’t advice about what I should or should not do, but just reassurance that even non-ideal divorced co-parenting situations can lead to great, empathetic, intelligent, emotionally sound kids.
Other times, trying to find too many similarities is less helpful. I don’t consider my marriage to Eduardo to be a “mistake.” Others might. I don’t really care. 22 year old me loved him and we had a great connection. I was not mature enough to realize that the ways in which we connected were not permanent or long-lasting enough. I was not mature enough to see that the ways where we differed were ways that people need to connect in order to be compatible for the long haul. I changed over the years and so did he. We became incompatible. That doesn’t mean we were wrong or it was a mistake. We were together for 11 years or something, to varying degrees. We had Johan. That’s not a mistake.
Friends of mine who were married for much shorter times have described their marriages as mistakes and lumped mine in with those. There are certainly similarities- finding and marrying partners who lack some key compatibility factors. But there are also differences- ages, time together, length of marriage (maybe that doesn’t matter since, if something was a mistake, it is a mistake from inception and cannot be anything but a mistake), length of time people in marriage were satisfied and/or happy, and of course, the child factor.
I’m not sure what all this is meant to say. Sometimes comparisons are good and comforting; other times they feel forced and inapplicable. I think that one thing that is incredibly common among young divorced women is analyzing their situations. We’re trying to figure out where we went wrong and how to go right this time. That’s probably where all the comparing stems from, and seeking and finding similarities to others who have been down this road is completely ok. At the same time, each life is a unique set of people and events. So, I can’t decide what to do next based on what someone else did. I’ve got to take the information I have from what I’ve learned in the past , what I know about myself now, and what I believe I want my future to look like, and do the best I can with that.
Sometimes I find myself trying to draw more similarities between myself and my situation and other people’s. I don’t quite know why. Perhaps it is because there is an element of the unknown. I grew up a divorced kid but my situation now is very different than that one. My dad never left me. Ever. There was no long distance parenting. There was house switching and complicated scheduling. I don’t have any of that as a divorced parent. So, I wonder if part of what I’m searching for in trying to find similarities to other situations is to get some kind of a rough guide as to how this can and will work out. It’s like wanting something akin to advice, but more like proof that people in same or similar circumstances can make things work, find new love, be happy, raise well-adjusted, loving, caring children.
I met a woman a few weeks ago who has a 12 year old son. She lives in Florida. Her ex lives in Illinois. The kid has a great relationship with his stepdad and sees his biological dad once in a while. Not exactly the same as my life, but a little bit, maybe. I felt close to her- like we had a bond over this experience. She was thankfully willing to share with me how her life came to be what it is. It wasn’t advice about what I should or should not do, but just reassurance that even non-ideal divorced co-parenting situations can lead to great, empathetic, intelligent, emotionally sound kids.
Other times, trying to find too many similarities is less helpful. I don’t consider my marriage to Eduardo to be a “mistake.” Others might. I don’t really care. 22 year old me loved him and we had a great connection. I was not mature enough to realize that the ways in which we connected were not permanent or long-lasting enough. I was not mature enough to see that the ways where we differed were ways that people need to connect in order to be compatible for the long haul. I changed over the years and so did he. We became incompatible. That doesn’t mean we were wrong or it was a mistake. We were together for 11 years or something, to varying degrees. We had Johan. That’s not a mistake.
Friends of mine who were married for much shorter times have described their marriages as mistakes and lumped mine in with those. There are certainly similarities- finding and marrying partners who lack some key compatibility factors. But there are also differences- ages, time together, length of marriage (maybe that doesn’t matter since, if something was a mistake, it is a mistake from inception and cannot be anything but a mistake), length of time people in marriage were satisfied and/or happy, and of course, the child factor.
I’m not sure what all this is meant to say. Sometimes comparisons are good and comforting; other times they feel forced and inapplicable. I think that one thing that is incredibly common among young divorced women is analyzing their situations. We’re trying to figure out where we went wrong and how to go right this time. That’s probably where all the comparing stems from, and seeking and finding similarities to others who have been down this road is completely ok. At the same time, each life is a unique set of people and events. So, I can’t decide what to do next based on what someone else did. I’ve got to take the information I have from what I’ve learned in the past , what I know about myself now, and what I believe I want my future to look like, and do the best I can with that.
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