To Johan on the Occasion of Your Eighth Birthday

Dear Johan:

On November 15, 2015, you will be 8 years old!  Eight!  There is something about eight that is very special- and it’s more than the fact it rhymes with GREAT. As you grow, it is extraordinary to see your independence and confidence bloom.  I love to see you form relationships, opinions, and a world view.  It was a wonderful adventure to be you mom during age seven and we are ready to take on eight!

We celebrated your seventh birthday with a trip to Disney World with Kitties Grandma and Grandpa.  We ate calamari on Thanksgiving and started every morning with waffles in the shape of Mickey Mouse.  We raced down waterslides and rode Pirates of the Caribbean over and over.  I hoisted all sixty pounds of you up onto my shoulders so you could see the parade.  And it was okay that you dropped cotton candy in my hair.  We watched fireworks over the iconic castle and felt raindrops on our faces.  As is prone to happen in Florida, those rain drops soon were a torrential downpour.  So we stood in the rain and watched the water play with the colors of the fireworks.  We held hands and laughed at our soaking wet selves.  Even surrounded by thousands of people clamoring for space under an awning, we knew that we were the only ones there;  just our family laughing in the rain.  These are the moments of travel that I cherish the most.  There are no pictures of us drenched under a brilliantly lit up rainy Orlando night but I can feel your little hand in mine and I can hear the squish of our shoes and my heart is happy.

In January, you were chosen for a part in Kenwood School’s Martin Luther King, Jr. celebration.  You were so excited to participate in honoring one of your heroes.  You bit your lip before they handed you the microphone to recite your part.  When it was your turn to talk, you spoke clearly and confidently: “I have a dream.”  Then you set the microphone down and crossed one arm over the other, joining hands with your classmates and sang “We Shall Overcome.”  It was one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen. 

A couple weeks later, your littlest brother-from-another-mother was born in Flagstaff, Arizona.  You and I took a mother/son trip to Arizona to get to know little Caleb.  We flew to Phoenix and rented a car to drive to Flagstaff.  You and I are not used to mountain driving, but with each other’s company and the stark, eerily gorgeous red rocks and mountains surrounding us, we made our way to Sarah, Charlie, and Caleb.  As you held Caleb on your lap, you showed such incredible gentleness with him.   You stroked his cheek and smiled at him and fed him a bottle.  You talked to him and he was calm and happy sitting with you.  Even though we live far away from them, I hope that you and Caleb will have the kind of relationship that we have always had with Sarah.  Miles and months can pass, but when we are together, all is just as it should be.  Even when you were a baby, you seemed to remember Sarah from visit to visit and there was a closeness that permeated time and space.   Caleb has brought even more love to the mix and I look forward to seeing the two of you form your own connection.

Summer brought more changes to our family.  Dad left Comcast after several years to start his own business. This gave him more flexibility in his schedule and meant that you mostly got to stay home this summer. As a self-declared “homebody,” you were thrilled with this.   Of course, you also spent your summer days on little adventures with your Grandmas and Grandpas and attending baseball and theater camps.   You played baseball for the Kenwood Purple Dragons and you thought of the team name!  It is such a joy to sit in the sweet springtime grass sipping a warm coffee and watching you play baseball.  There is no way I’d rather spend a Saturday morning.  One day, you made an awesome catch in the outfield that you even surprised yourself.  Your eyes got so big as you realized the ball was in your glove.  Everyone cheered.  You later told me you were sure that Uncle David must have given you a boost.  Your honest and loving way of processing death and loss are beyond words.  You speak of David sometimes and I know you think of him frequently.   We point out food he would enjoy and we make jokes in his silly voices.  You ask to hear stories about times we spent with him. Your favorite story of Uncle David is when we stood outside the Minneapolis/St. Paul airport on a snowy night waiting for a ride and David sang "Hey Jude" at the top of his lungs.   And you love it when I remind you that you were there too, singing right along with him.

Your moment in the spotlight for MLKJ day peaked your interest in performing and you spent time this summer at Children’s Theater in a performing camp.  You also decided you wanted to try modelling, which resulted in you being hired twice (so far!) by Target.   That’s your animated and beautiful face on page 40 of the Target Holiday Catalogue 2015!  Your job was to play with Elves Legos as part of their new gender-neutral toy advertising approach.   You love Legos but told us that you would have preferred Star Wars Legos.  I pointed out to you that there are certainly both boys and girls that prefer Star Wars and also both boys and girls that prefer to play with the Elves.  I explained that sometimes the way toys are advertised makes it seem like something is just for boys or just for girls.  And if there is a little boy out there who wants to play with Elves Legos, maybe seeing a cool kid like you enjoying them will give him the boost of confidence he needs to just be himself.   You stood up a little taller at that thought and said “Well, that is something worth doing!”  You are so right, Johan.  Putting more kindness and acceptance into the world is always something worth doing and you have a wonderful way of doing it.

This fall you chose to begin guitar lessons when Bergen Grandpa talked with you about the things playing an instrument can do for your brain.  You play a wooden half-size acoustic guitar that fits your fingers perfectly.  My favorite instrument to hear is the acoustic guitar and hearing you play brings me great joy.  I hope that you continue to enjoy playing. Music can be so therapeutic both for the artist and the listener.  Your hands and brain working together to make beautiful music is something I hope you will love for your whole life.

You decided to re-start Spanish classes this year.  You told us it was mostly because Dad said you’ll need a second language for college so you might as well start now.   Between your papa moving back to the Dominican Republic and then a difficult experience at the Spanish immersion school, you had developed some sad associations with Spanish.  I am so proud of the way you have worked through those.   You took the time to think and feel your way to a place where you know that Spanish is beautiful and that communicating in various languages is such a fulfilling experience. And that Spanish is part of you.  You are part of a rich and beautiful Dominican culture and the Spanish language is integral to that.  You should always be proud of the varied fabrics that make up your heritage.  

The part that surprised you about this experience is that a lot of Spanish is already in that big head of yours.  It has been extraordinary to see those parts of your brain wake up again.  The Spanish teachers were shocked by the smooth roll of the R off your tongue and the fluid way you are able to put together sentences.   Plus, as a lover of Spanish, it’s fun for me to be able to work with you on increasing your fluency.  Now we just have to teach Dad!

Johan, age seven has been an absolute blast.  You are my big kid and I love to spend time with you.  I love when we kick back on the couch and watch Napoleon Dynamite and say the lines in time with the characters.  "Eat your food, Tina!"  I love walking around our neighborhood with you while you tell knock-knock jokes. I love when we play board games and listen to Disney radio on Pandora and you try to skip the love songs but you always let me listen to the ones from “Tangled” because you know that's my favorite.  I love when we cook together and you provide a new way to think about an old recipe. 

And that is the amazing gift you give to us every day, Johan.  You provide a new way to think about everything.  Every color is brighter; every sound is sweeter; every experience is richer with you.  I always call you “my little bear” and of course that’s true.  But you don’t really belong to me.  You belong to the world and it is my great privilege to get to walk with you as you discover that world.

Happy Birthday to you, my little bear.  I love you more than fireworks in the night sky and more than the and more than spring grass and sunshine.

Love, Mom