Blatant Lying for No Reason

Most of us learned at an early age that lying is bad. Children of divorce, I think, are more tempted to lie because it's less likely they'll get caught. You know, sometimes if Mom and Dad don't talk that much, lying is sort of a cinch, like in this precious gem of a moment: Dad brings 4-year-old Kristina to Montessori School. During the day, friend Kristina steals beautiful green plastic headband from the other Christina at Montessori School and hides it in her cubby. Mom picks Kristina up from Montessori School and asks where she got beautiful green plastic headband. Straight-faced, lying, 4-year-old Kristina answers "Dad bought it for me." See? It's so easy. Never mind that I accidentally broke the headband and then had to come clean that it wasn't mine and we had to buy other Christina a new headband. These are those teaching/learning childhood moments when most of us learned that, as a general rule, lying is bad.

That's not to say that all lying is bad. There are 3 kinds of lying that I usually think are OK:

1. White Lies. After I have this Pavo in November, I will probably look like shit for several days/weeks. It's OK if you tell me I look beautiful and glowing.
2. Exaggerating. Especially when it comes to telling or re-telling a story. Double especially when telling a story over cocktails. This is what makes life funny.
3. Puffing. Puffing is a sort-of legal term of art. Making your case sound better than it is while negotiating with the other side. Maybe this isn't really ok but in my world it is; I do it all day long.

But here's what's not ok. Blatant lying for no good reason. Here's the deal: if a person has personal time saved up at work for either sick or vacation, why not just take those couple of days you want off and enjoy them? Why on earth would you invent some elaborate story about having to stay home with a sick kid (who is 14 years old and perfectly capable of staying home alone) and then say you had to take him to the ER in the middle of the night for a throat culture? This lie is unnecessarily and suspiciously elaborate, not to mention just plain old unnecessary and stupid. Take the day off. Enjoy. Don't fucking lie to everyone in your office.

Obviously this person didn't go to Montessori School and learn at age 4 that blatant lies for no reason usually backfire and make you look like a total idiot. This person clearly needs some remedial lessons with a beautiful green plastic headband taking center stage.